So, this is my 2000th post.
I was thinking I could save it until May 15th when it would be 6 years since I joined the forum, but I got all nostalgic and was looking through my old posts. I made my first 1000 posts in the first year I was on here.
I'm only 21 but I feel like just being 21 has made me so much more mature. It's good to have a (not very thorough) record of what's been going on in my life for the past 6 years.
I've been thinking about life a lot lately, people have been dying, things seem more complicated...and i wonder what my life would have been like if I had made just even one decision differently...I kind of feel like my life could be a lot better, but then again there's lots of good things about my life that I wouldn't want to change at all.
I thought that I might have the chance to have a real relationship this year, and it still could happen, but what I thought were sure fire things so far have just been shot down in flames... and I just get so embarrassed, and so worked up inside about my feelings and insecurities.
Positive things that have been happening lately: I came third in a National Chinese Speaking competition. I honestly did not think I would get any good kind of result at all. My speech was bad and my pronunciation is bad; my question answering was bad; my performance was pretty boring, though I did think I did ok in the written test. My best friend came first, and I'm proud of her, but at the same time jealous. She just does everything so well and effortlessly and everyone loves her, yet she doesn't live up to her full potential and is probably about as insecure as I am.
So anyway, because of that I basically won a trip to Beijing. I don't know the details yet but it's been semi-confirmed.
I finish uni in a couple of months, which will be amazing. At this point I just want to pass and get it over with but I need to put in an effort and try and get some good grades. If I get a scholarship I'll start studying in China in August, which means I won't be able to attend the graduation ceremony in September, which sucks but I just want to move on with my life.
I could go on forever but I need to sleep.
Lately I haven't been able to get to sleep and by that I mean I haven't been able to drag myself away from the computer...I still sleep like the dead.
Where's Brian~? Remember this ?